Just a bit of fun.

I wrote this piece several years ago as a concept for a magazine. They told me they wanted an 'Anthony Bourdain style column' and this is what I wrote. Some time between getting those instructions and submitting this piece, they had changed their minds and instead wanted a simple recipe column, so this piece has never seen the light of day. I post it now for your enjoyment...

In the course of my career, I have meet some strange characters, but the ones that are the most baffling to me are the ones that say to me “You own a restaurant – I always thought that that would be a great idea.” My reply tends to be a smirk and something along the lines of “Have fun with that.”

Restaurant work is not for the faint of heart, mind or body. Anyone who spends a few years of his or her life slaving away in a food establishment deserves at the very least a gold star. Anyone who is crazy enough to open their own restaurant deserves the Medal of Bravery, and anyone that can keep the doors of their restaurant open for more than a year deserves to have their name immortalized in verse along with their signature dish. There is only one other occupation I am aware of that in the course of a day you risk getting burned, sliced, bludgeoned, maimed, yelled at, flooded out, lose staff, do what angry people tell you to do, shut down, then be expected to return the next day to do it all again – but joining the army never had any appeal for me.

For those of you who have had this whimsical thought from time to time but have never worked in a restaurant, let me impart unto you, as best I can, some things you could expect to see in the day-to-day operations. In the kitchen we work with open flames, sharp metal edges, fragile ceramic plates and we juggle delicate food items in such fevered conditions that would make the average individual think they had entered an insane asylum. Hell, we already have the white jackets – we’re half way there. It doesn’t help that when two Chefs talk about food, the discussion can get as fanatical as a religious debate, or as heated as a political slander campaign. I’m not sure which is more frightening - watching two chefs scream at each other, one with a French Knife in hand, the other with a Cleaver, arguing over the best way to prepare lamb shank, or being one of those Chefs - and yes I have been in both positions.

On the floor (that’s what we call the dining room in a restaurant,) not only do you have to deal with the crazies in the kitchen, you have a room full of them you have to take care of. Balance drink orders, food orders, check and table numbers, people’s likes, dislikes, allergies, aromas, quirks and moods while keeping a smile on your face. At least you have to option of yelling at the nut-bars in the kitchen – heaven forbid you lose your temper with a patron!

At the end of the day, if you are lucky enough to have any full time and committed staff, you have the privilege of having a take home pay substantially less than theirs – if you are able to take anything home at all – for as least the first three years. So, do you still want to own a restaurant?

I personally love working with food, and I’ll probably work with food in some form or another for the rest of my life. I know that I could spend a lifetime working with and studying food, and still not know everything there is to know, and on a very basic level that excites me. For now I have my little restaurant and I take the good with the bad. I’m still looking for a good poet to write the Ballad of Chef Sean though. Any takers?

Comfort food in a age of allergies

In the past twenty years or so, we have seen a huge spike in the number of food allergies and sensitives. The people hardest hit are those that develop some sort of sensitivity to wheat since it is used so liberally in our diet and in processed foods. As autumn starts to fade, the days start growing shorter and winter approaches. With the shorter days we find ourselves craving simple foods like stews and this can pose a problem for people with any sort of grain or gluten sensitivity since traditionally stews are thickened with flour. This need not be the case though, and even before the advent of cornstarch, many cultures made hearty dishes thickened with all manner of ingredients. Taking a page from my Irish ancestry, a traditional Irish stew uses the most common of ingredients available to a common farming family, and is a self thickening stew without the use of any grain whatsoever. I have a soft spot for peasant dishes, and Irish stew is easily in the top five of my all time favourite dishes. It may not be fancy, but when properly done it's flavours meld well together and dance on the palette.

Traditional Irish Stew

30 ml of butter

900 gram lamb shoulder, cut into cubes

900 gram potatoes, peeled and large dice

400 gram onions, large dice

400 gram carrots, large dice

1 litre fresh stock (beef or chicken)

200 gram shredded green cabbage

550 gram peas (optional)

Fresh parsley

1 Bay leaves

1 Sprig of Thyme

1 Sprig of Rosemary

Salt and pepper to taste

Melt the butter in a pan over a fairly high temperature and sauté the meat until it is browned all over, about 3-5 minutes. Add the onions on the same pan for about a minute or two.

Pour half the stock into the pan, turn the heat up as high as it will go and scrape the pan as the stock boils to get all the meat juices. Pour the contents of the pan into a slow cooker and add all remaining ingredients. Set slow cooker on low for 6 hours. Right before you serve the stew, add a handful of roughly chopped parsley.

The potatoes should be cooked enough so the outer edges are soft and breaking apart, and a good stir should mix the thoroughly cooked potatoes throughout the stew acting as a natural thickening agent. A good Irish stew is never thickened with anything other than potato.

Serve as is, or on a piece of soda (or gluten free) bread. Enjoy!

A long break

I was shocked to find that it had been over a year since I have posted anything on my Blog, and wonder where the heck all the time went too. After an extremely busy summer, the dust has settled, and it's time to get back into the swing of things.

The growing season in the area was very short this year, but it looks like the autumn crops are doing well: Blackberries, plums, apples and more squash then you can shake a stick at, so not all is lost. As those zucchini get a little too mature to be a tender side vegetable, I like to turn them into relish. Typically we have more relish then we know what to do with, so most of our friends get a jar in their holiday gift basket. Here's the recipe that was given to me years ago now:

Zucchini relish

12 cups grated zucchini
5 cups onion julienne
6 Tbl pickling salt
1 red pepper julienne
2 1/2 cups vinegar
4 cups sugar
2 small hot peppers (optional)
6 cloves garlic, minced (see note below)
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp dry mustard powder
1 tsp tumeric
1 Tbl cornstarch
2 Tbl celery seed (optional)
1/2 tsp ground black pepper

After grating the zucchini and cutting the onions and mincing the garlic, mix in the salt and let stand overnight. The next day, drain the fluid and rinse twice in cold water to remove some of the overly salty taste.

Add the zucchini mix and the rest of the ingredients into a thick bottomed pot and bring to a simmer for 30 minutes.

Ladle hot zucchini relish mix into sterile jars and process using normal canning techniques.

NOTE ON GARLIC - There is some controversy about using garlic in canning. Most government bodies in North America suggest when canning with garlic that a pressure canner be used to get a higher temperature. There is a risk of botulism poisoning if you do not pressure can. If you do not have a pressure canner, you have two options:

1) omit the garlic - if you do this, you will be able to can this recipe as you would any other household preserve. Pressure canning has a tendency to kill most of the garlic flavor anyways, and I did this in the past before I had a pressure canner with much success.

2) If you MUST have the garlic, you can also freeze the relish in small batches and pull as you need it. This does change the texture of the end product, but it does work in a crunch.

Autumn is harvest time, and there is still lots of canning to do for the winter months, so get out there and don't be afraid to try something new!